“So,
Basically you have four mothers,” she said while laughing. I looked at her
confused over how true what she said was. I’ve never noticed how much my
sisters mommy me un-intently! I grew up the youngest of four girls. With no
brothers around, an absent dad, and a sick mother, my sisters found it
necessary to maintain a very strong connection between us in other words we
stuck together. Still we all grew up distant from our Druze culture. Instead we
choose our own religions and decided to accept each other for who we are.
Jun. 2015, “There will always be obstacles in your way, no
matter how smart or witty you are. People will always try to set you down, you
just have to keep trying,” she said one last time, as it was time for her to
leave. Standing at the airport again trying to hold my tears while I wave
goodbye to Layal, as she sets foot on here new journey as a newly wed
immigrating to Australia. A six-year difference between me and my sister but I
would be lying if I said we haven’t fought like children. Pulling each other’s
hair, wrestling every Saturday morning, arguing about fashion among plenty more
all of which were part of our daily interaction. Yeah, she is a one sided,
black and white lawyer and I’m a ball of paint! It was hard for us to
understand each other. Still it didn’t matter. We are friends anyway. Plus she
needs my fashion advice. That is why we Skype almost everyday.
Dec. 2014, “God will always be there for you, even when you
don’t know it. God will protect you. He loves you.” she raises up the bible
from her hand while telling me all about prayers and forgiveness. “I have found
my God,” she continues as I see her smile widen in softness upon her very tired
face. She’s a workaholic. Always staying up late in the office. Never taking a
day off. It seemed that after her divorced things didn’t matter to her anymore,
still she holds her values strongly. She made it a point to find reason.
Finding that reason lead to discover forgiveness, which showed her the way to
the bible as she describes. Still she says “I know things get hard and
confusing in our house but, always remember that love can never have one form
and forgiveness is the shortest way to heaven.” With a ten-year difference
between Haifa, and I. she is always trying to teach me forgiveness. A
kind-hearted person can only give you warmth. Even as she lives in Dubai I still
feel her everyday. Her ideas of what love could be gives me hope, and shines my
way to a nice future maybe on with glittering faces of people with golden
hearts.
Feb. 2012, “I waited for the news all night long, it was 5 am
when uncle final showed up at grandma’s house. It’s a girl he said she has big
green eyes and very small mouth. And when I hear that I promised myself I will
always protect you from harms way… the next day we all went to the hospital to
meet you. You were so tinny; made all of our hearts grow” that’s how my eldest sister
Zeina describes our first meeting. Even with our twelve-year difference, we
were always friends. Spending a lot of time with her made me exhibit a lot of
her trades, Stubbornness mainly also arts and huge passion for music. We are
both graphic designers with colorful personalities and crazy minds. She is a
very deep-rooted Islam, always reminding me of gratitude and fairness. Indeed
we are both complementary and contracting individuals. Still we find the
deepest ways to create love.
I know you are probably wondering about my
actual mom, do not worry she still mommies me too. When I was born she was very
sick and was not able to take care of me. I spent the first year and half of my
life being watched over by my aunt Nana, She is the sweetest person alive, a
single thirty-year-old lady, at the time, with a lot of love. Till this day she
shares embarrassing pictures of me and talks about my tinny butt. While my mom
constantly tries to catch up for the time lost through out my childhood and
teenage years, a lot of conflicts are meant to take place, like her
misunderstanding toward my artistic passion as well as my unwariness towards
explaining my points of views to her. Still, we try to be involved in each
other’s lives. Sometimes, She fixes me matte while I paint. Other times we go
for sushi. Either way our mother daughter relationship is a work in progress.
At this point we are friends. The more I get to know her the more I find myself
to be a lot like her. Through her I have learned to express myself gradually
and heal my wounds blissfully. I think we will have a very strong friendship in
the future. Especial when she takes the time to teach me her crafting skills.
About two years ago my dad came back to
live with us in Lebanon. For me the concept of a dad was an abstract one, it
was not easy to understand him and adapt my life to his. Admitting that I never
made it easy for him as well, we kept on limiting each other’s perception
towards our relationship, until one day we finally figured it out. Our most
significant trait turned out to be our only common point, art!
So yeah, that is my
family, one Islamic sister one Christian and one Druze, a creative mom and a
painter for a dad. Oh and a crazy over weight cat! Like all other families we
have funny days and boring days but still we manage to keep things going. And
as for myself, I am a one from all. I take a lot from my sisters and parents
but still I am my own person. As the great words of dr. Seuss “Today you are
you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!”
