Dear Mr. Johnny
Disconnected, unrelated to everything to everyone, As if I was never part of this world to a point that my body refuses to connect to my mind... I can't sketch I can't paint. My hands seem to fail in delivering my thoughts, it's like my brain has lost control of what once was such an easy advantage. I'm tired, I'm tired of saying I'm tired. I wish I could wake up one day so free of whatever holds me down right now. I haven't written something in over 2 years, I wonder if that has to do with losing you, I keep remembering you, your face, your smile, the way u loved me makes it so hard to forget, real love never dies, the more time passes the more I feel this is true, there is always that one guy u will never get over, my friend once said. But is this I'm feeling just a simple flashback from the past, or is it really the true meaning of love. If I were to count the times I think of you in a single day I would have lost count a long time ago.
Yes, I think of you everyday when I wake up I remember your sweet kiss on my shoulder that little soft kiss that use to travel all over my body and satisfy my senses in the most innocent way I can ever feel. And as I manage to start my day insisting to have a good one, to stay strong and maybe find a reason to be happy.. I think of you, of us. Everything I do reminds me of you even when I hold my paints I remember the time when we use to chase each other around with a full tube of paint threatening to wash the other, I smile, a memory so nice so free. Nothing was too much for us, no time was enough, those days were I spend hours holding your hand in class in secret and then going home not wanting to wash them cause I can still smell your scent in them.
I wanted u to stay with me all the time, I missed your presence every day since we split parts, my life is on hold waiting for you to come back and give it motion again, give it reason to live to smile to just simply be... But u still didn't come back... And my heart seems to hurt more and more from your distance. No love is ever gonna be like your love, I have tried to move on, to forget you, to fill my heart with someone else's presence, but it's like everyone else's love is entente to yours. You loved me! I know u did! I felt you with every time u looked at me I felt your love, there was this look in your face I'd know your looking at me, like the only girl in the world the only one for u, that look that disappeared the last time I saw you. The time we split ways, I cried so hard all night like a baby, I was a baby I was only 19, I cried so much I couldn't breathe anymore. I was just so sad, my heart ached, my eyes were very swollen I could barley see, but I could see how my sisters looked at me in so much sorrow, they couldn't help me. There is no medication for love ache, there is no cure. I had to deal with it on my own. step on my pain and carry myself like nothing has ever happened, I had to pretend that I was strong that I wasn't broken, and that I was mature. I told myself "u took the decision to be with him, now u need to suffer the consequence". As time passed I made myself turn numb, feeling less. I walked around thinking people shouldn’t see my heart break they should see me strongIn the weakness you find your strength… I'm still looking.
Disconnected, unrelated to everything to everyone, As if I was never part of this world to a point that my body refuses to connect to my mind... I can't sketch I can't paint. My hands seem to fail in delivering my thoughts, it's like my brain has lost control of what once was such an easy advantage. I'm tired, I'm tired of saying I'm tired. I wish I could wake up one day so free of whatever holds me down right now. I haven't written something in over 2 years, I wonder if that has to do with losing you, I keep remembering you, your face, your smile, the way u loved me makes it so hard to forget, real love never dies, the more time passes the more I feel this is true, there is always that one guy u will never get over, my friend once said. But is this I'm feeling just a simple flashback from the past, or is it really the true meaning of love. If I were to count the times I think of you in a single day I would have lost count a long time ago.
Yes, I think of you everyday when I wake up I remember your sweet kiss on my shoulder that little soft kiss that use to travel all over my body and satisfy my senses in the most innocent way I can ever feel. And as I manage to start my day insisting to have a good one, to stay strong and maybe find a reason to be happy.. I think of you, of us. Everything I do reminds me of you even when I hold my paints I remember the time when we use to chase each other around with a full tube of paint threatening to wash the other, I smile, a memory so nice so free. Nothing was too much for us, no time was enough, those days were I spend hours holding your hand in class in secret and then going home not wanting to wash them cause I can still smell your scent in them.
I wanted u to stay with me all the time, I missed your presence every day since we split parts, my life is on hold waiting for you to come back and give it motion again, give it reason to live to smile to just simply be... But u still didn't come back... And my heart seems to hurt more and more from your distance. No love is ever gonna be like your love, I have tried to move on, to forget you, to fill my heart with someone else's presence, but it's like everyone else's love is entente to yours. You loved me! I know u did! I felt you with every time u looked at me I felt your love, there was this look in your face I'd know your looking at me, like the only girl in the world the only one for u, that look that disappeared the last time I saw you. The time we split ways, I cried so hard all night like a baby, I was a baby I was only 19, I cried so much I couldn't breathe anymore. I was just so sad, my heart ached, my eyes were very swollen I could barley see, but I could see how my sisters looked at me in so much sorrow, they couldn't help me. There is no medication for love ache, there is no cure. I had to deal with it on my own. step on my pain and carry myself like nothing has ever happened, I had to pretend that I was strong that I wasn't broken, and that I was mature. I told myself "u took the decision to be with him, now u need to suffer the consequence". As time passed I made myself turn numb, feeling less. I walked around thinking people shouldn’t see my heart break they should see me strongIn the weakness you find your strength… I'm still looking.
02.02.2014
from the girl who believed in love
Bloody Blue
Digital art
50x70 cm
Bloody Blue
Digital art
50x70 cm
